Random Football Match Related Stories

Remember when you were at school, and the last day of term was always the one on which the least would be done? Well, that's precisely how today's match felt like - score four goals without trying, and Stoke just showing up to doss around with those little paper pellets.

And that basically describes the match. Now, let's all laugh at Alan*bloody*Shearer and Newcastle. Ha! You're just a small club in the North East!

So here's a song to round off the season with.

Don't know why I'm writing about this - our season is over, we couldn't stop Manure and I didn't manage to catch the highlights on Match of the Day.

Did consider looking for a rock to climb under to avoid listening to the pain and agony. Common sense got the better of me, and I listened during lunch. (Before going to church for our new vicar's licensing - yes, I did take a radio with me)

Not that any of it matters this season. Hopefully next season, Van Persie will have either sharpened up or buggered off, we'd have found a decent central midfield partner for Cesc and Theo will have perfected the art of scoring as well as burning up grass with his speed.

Oh, there's one more game isn't there!?

I didn't blog yesterday evening because I had a headache, which was made worse by the realisation that we probably aren't good enough to win a trophy for the foreseeable future. The Prawn Sandwich Fans may complain about no silverware for 4 years, but if they want trophies they can go with all the glory hunters to Chavski or Manure - the Arsenal team will be better off without them.

So, the team performance.
Almunia: Decent. Made a few good saves, but isn't as good a keeper as Seaman or Lehmann.
The Defence: While Gibbs didn't embarrass himself, and I was grateful Djourou started instead of Donkey, I think we may have needed a Gallas or Clichy (preferably both) just for the experience.
The Midfield: Played out of the game by the Manure midfield.
Van Persie: Did bugger all apart from dive, try to start a fight and score the (possibly dubious) penalty.
Adebayor: Did marginally more than Van Persie's bugger all. Seems to think he's Henry, when he's not half as good.

Right then. That's out of my system - time to get back to hoping these kids and this team develops together, and will one day in about ten years challenge for titles.

Oldest player on the pitch, at the age of 27? Arshy. And also the only suitable stand in captain, with Cesc and Kolo rested.

Nicky got two unremarkable goals, which I'm sure he'd take willing at the moment. The first one rolled over David James' gloves, and the second was a penalty that should have been a corner. (Good on you Arshy for pointing that out)

The Mexican scored a good third goal, and that was it really. Pompey challenged but displayed the finishing ability of Robin and Ade at their most frustrating.

On to Tuesday evening. A 3-0 at home then will make me very happy.

Boy are we lucky to be only 1-0 down at the half way stage of this tie. With Ade playing like the living dead (possibly because of injury), Walcott not particularly in this game, and Mikael Donkey in defence - not to mention Manure's dominance in the first half - we could have been putting out silverware challenge on hold for another year.

But we are somehow still in this match. Despite the abysmal marking for Manure's goal, every subsequent corner was dealt with brilliantly. Later on we were the better team and Nicky should really have equalised! He needs to start banging those in.

Still, this result gives us some hope. At least we know we've got to score!

PS. How long before Time Killing Kid leaves a gloating comment?!

I see now why Boro are sponsored by Garmin: they need a sat-nav to find where the goal is!

Their defence need one to find where the nearest attacking player is.

But I don't want to talk about Boro, even if the win was so easy for Arsenal that the players barely needed to exert any effort.

And it was only 2-0.

First goal - yes Nicky was offside, but lets not ignore that it displayed excellent teamwork to get to Captain Fabtastic.

Second goal - after Boro demonstrated defending that would make the Keystone Cops look competent, their goalie - faced with Cesc on the ball - comes out of his area by a mile allowing Cesc to walk round him and score.

The verdict? We're certain to be in the Champions League next season, whilst Boro head towards Championship venues!

Didn't expect much from this. With the inept performance against Chavski at the weekend, and Donkey the only other fit centre back after King Kolo. Kind of expected the Jammy Dodgers to beat us, and hoped it wouldn't be too heavy.

After the Jammy ones dominated the first half, it was us getting the luck for a change with Arshy proving he was worth every penny of whatever his price tag was!

Normal defensive non-service was resumed after the break with Manc Donkey (Arsene, the fact that Sour Alex sold him to you probably suggests that he isn't very good!) letting the defence down.

At 2-1 to Jammy ones, Theo came on and Arshy scored his second. Then third.

Then it was 3-3, before Arshy scored the fourth. While I was still dazed from being 4-3 up at Anfield with a leaky back four, the Jammy ones grabbed an equaliser.

Oh, well. Probably fair.

Shouldn't really be surprised that Chavski beat us today. They have a strong team no matter who's injured (thanks to the Mobsters cheque book waving), and we were down to our last choice back four. With no defenders on the bench to back us up.

Of those defenders:
Fabianski: Okay, made mistakes that led to the first goal, but is let of as he is still young in goalkeeper years.

Gibbs: Has been impressive since Clichy got injured, and was outstanding again today. (Even if he probably should have missed this match through suspension)

Silvestre: Back to his donkey impersonations that were all too frequent early on in the season.

Toure: Decent, but didn't play as well as he could have.

Eboue: Decent enough, although really could have done better on Chavs equaliser.

The Midfield:

Diaby: Awful in the first half, but improved after half time. Still could have done better.

Cesc: Made an impression in midfield. Would have been grateful if he'd tripped Fat Frank.

Denilson: Virtually invisible - which either means he's becoming the new Gilberto, or he had a crap game!

Theo: The Wembley pitch may have been crap to start with, but I think Theo might have burnt it to cinders with his running down the wing. Would have done football a favour if he went past Cashley at such speed that he'd knocked him over!

The Strikers:
Robin: Did anyone see him on the pitch?!

Ade: He can be infuriating and mesmorising. On an important day, he chose to be infuriating.

The Subs:
Probably didn't get enough time. Although I'd like to know why he didn't start Arshy.

Crap game. Off out for some fresh air, so I don't end up plotting to destroy Stamford Bridge!

Next stop Manchester to play Sour Alex's mob. Hopefully they won't stand in the way of our Barcelona rematch.

Today's match was followed by the usual combination of BBC/Twitter/Livescore, and thanks to ITV's inability to know the difference between elbow and rear end, looks like there's no highlights!

Which is a shame, because I really wanted to see highlights of the following.
1. Cesc setting up Theo's goal.
2. Arsene's dance after Ade's goal.
3. Robin's penalty.

Hopefully it will all be on youtube soon!

It almost didn't happen, with Gibbs somehow avoiding a red card and Wigan not scoring a second. But in the end they guaranteed another season of finishing above the Spuds in the league!

After a pathetic first half, during which Mido scored Wigan's goal (he's in my fantasy team - so two reasons to be cheerful) Arsenal leave the field with a full team but another casualty in the broken defenders department.

Fortunately, scoring service was resumed in the second half when Arshy set up Theo for the equaliser.

Once that was done the Gooner boys got down to the business of winning. First when Cesc set up Silvester to take the lead, then twice later in the game when Arshy had the ball kindly delivered to his feet by Koumas and Alex receiving Cesc's pass to run round Wigan's defence to slot past their keeper. Wrapping up three points and confirming that we finish above that lot from the other end of Seven Sisters Road for another season.