Random Football Match Related Stories

Possibly our only chance of silverware this season, and the campaign began with the usual mix of Kids (Jack & Sanchez), injury returnees (Carlos) and those not good enough for the first team (Silvester - he's not good for any team, actually).

Guess what I'd booked myself into? A spinning class at the gym - 45 minutes of working up a painful sweat is the least we expect from the players (ideally 90 minutes, but that's expecting far too much of Silvester).
Fans really do not need to be working up a sweat during matches.

Well, I'm a sucker for punishment - that's from supporting Arsenal.

Fortunately I didn't miss much. Sanchez Watt(is his name again) and Mexican made sure we at least look like we're challenging for something this season. Even if it is the Cheap Lager Tinpot Trophy.

Well nothing wrong with our scoring, and fortunately our defence didn't need to worry today.

No danger of Wigan fans out singing us either - 55,000+ Gooners against 50 Wigan fans. Even Gooners are noisier than that!

On the pitch Wigan's game plan involved;
1. Defend with 10 men.
2. Kick any Arsenal player.
3. Hope the ref doesn't book you.

Arsenal's game plan;
1. Robin Van Persie has to show off how good he is with fancy footwork, instead of shooting.
2. Diaby has to play like a Vieira imposter, rather than Vieira.
3. Clichy has to crumble every time a Wigan player runs at him.
4. Central Defender has to score more goals than our strikers.
5. Use up all three substitutes before some Wigan player knocks an injury into Cesc, forcing him to jog out the last few minutes before scoring at the end.

It took two dodgy goals (like those against us at Old Trafford), and Arsenal making out Liege were Barcelona but we managed it in the end.

After 5 minutes - I was wishing I could hide under my duvet until May.

After 45 minutes - What's happened to the team that demolished Everton at Goodison on the first day of the season? Still one goal back is something to smile about.

After 90 minutes - Where did those two goals come from? Firstly, Vermaelen is apparently offside and then Ed (fortunately playing) bounces the ball in. Well, take them as you get them!

Giving us a bit of confidence after the horrible events in Manchester.

And while we're on the subject of Manchester. Gooners at Eastlands - we gave Greedybayor exactly what he wanted. A negative reaction. Now he's happy we were wound up by his stupid actions. You pleased about that?!

Pinched from her facebook notes.

1. What team do you support and why?
Arsenal. Because who your parents support has a big influence over you. My parents used to live in Islington, and I live less than 20 minutes by train from Arsenal.

|2. Any other teams you follow, and why?
Barnet. Because I live 15 minutes walk from Underhill. (They are doing quite well at the moment)

3. Which team do you hate the most and why?
Ooh...Let's make a list. Manchester United. Manchester City. Chelsea. Spurs.

4. Which other teams do you dislike and why?
Real Madrid (for fascism and arrogance)
Lazio (see reasons for disliking Madrid)
Beiter Jerusalem (for being racist pillocks)
Leeds United (for winding up the locals in Istanbul, and then acting all innocent when the locals reacted)
Millwall (for being thugs. Although I did want them to beat Man United in the FA Cup final a few years back - but those were exceptional circumstances)

5. Favourite all time player
Dennis Bergkamp. And Thierry Henry.

6. Favourite current player for your club
Cesc Fabregas, and Andrey Arshavin.

7. Favourite current player not at your club
I've long admired Samuel Eto'o. But also still respect Thierry Henry.

8. If your club had to sell one player, who would you sacrifice?
Sylvestre. Didn't Arsene realise that if Sour Alex is selling you a player, there must be something wrong!?

9. Current favourite goalkeeper
Crazy Jens Lehmann

10. Current favourite defender
Kieron Gibbs. A star in the making.

11. Current favourite midfielder
Cesc Fabregas

12. Current favourite forward
Andrey Arshavin

13. Current favourite manager
Arsene Wenger (despite all his dodgy decisions and strange eyesight)

I'm not biased towards Arsenal, honest!

Who do you prefer…

14. Arsenal or Spurs
Silly question. Arsenal.

15. Liverpool or Everton
Neither. I know people who support both.

16. Man U or Man City
Neither. I despise them both.

17. Real Madrid or Barcelona
Barcelona

18. Milan or Inter
I can't decide.

19. Celtic or Rangers
Two little, sectarian Scottish teams!

20. Rhyl or Bangor
Two tiny Welsh teams.

21. Linfield or Glentoran
Two Northern Irish teams. Which one is nearer to Portlaoise.

22. Dinamo Zagreb or Hajduk Split
Dinamo (so Jenni doesn't kill me).

23. Legia Warsaw or Wisla Krakow
Hmm. Polish teams. Don't know much about them. Now, if there was a question about Moscow clubs I would say Spartak, because they weren't affiliated to any part of the Soviet state.

24. Describe yourself as a supporter, in ten words or less.
Patient. Appreciates the great manager. Likes reading about football culture.

25. Favourite national side and, if it’s not your country, why?
None. I can't stand international breaks because an Arsenal player always comes back injured.

26. Who will win the 2010 World Cup?
England or Spain, going by their recent form.
Brazil possibly - because I don't want to rule a quality side out.

27. If you could watch any football game in the world, what would it be?
Barcelona vs. Real Madrid in the Camp Nou. Ideally with the Cules.

28. List some of the other fixtures you’re interested in.
Is this a marketing meme? Any Turkish match. Any match in South Africa, or any where in Africa.

29. Favourite… Championship team
Reading. Inoffensive.

30. …League One team
Southend. Because my Auntie supports them.

31. …League Two team
Barnet. (See earlier answer)

32. …Non-league team
AFC Wimbledon.

33. Which is your nearest club, of any size?
Barnet. Small club. Too small stadium. And very small minded council who won't help them!

34. Favourite… French team
Isn't this like asking for a favourite Scottish team?

35. …German team
Any German team that isn't Bayern Munich.

36. …Italian team
Whoever Lazio are playing.

37. …Spanish team
Barcelona (for having a relaxed attitude to who can be a Catalan, and for fighting Franco).

38. …Polish team
Can I change this question to favourite Moscow team? Okay. Spartak.

39. …Croatian team
Dinamo. I read a story about them recently - Dinamo's "Bad Blue Boys" fought in the war against Serbia.

40. …Dutch team
The former team of Dennis and Cruyff - Ajax.

41. …MLS team
Colorado Rapids. (Hi Adrienne!)

42. Any other teams you like from unpredictable countries or just those I haven’t mentioned yet?
Spartak Moscow (Russia) - I've mentioned them already.

43. Best match you’ve ever been to or watched on TV and why?
The 2003 FA Cup Final. The roof was closed and Arsenal won.

44. Worst match you’ve ever been to or watched on TV and why?
Charlton Athletic at home. That's all I need to say.

45. How many games do you go to per season?
Don't count. Not all of them, though.

46. Would you go to more games if you afford to?
Yes. This sounds like a football supporting questionnaire!

47. How do you think the atmosphere could be improved at football games (especially if you follow the Premiership)?
Vuvuzelas and earplugs.

48. Do you envy any other club’s supporters, and if so why?
Probably the Spanish (and Catalan) supporters for being able to choose who runs their club, and not put up with Mr Oily MoneyBags taking over.

49. Have you ever joined in a football related protest?
I did sign a petition to stop that Watford player being deported.

50. If you had a time machine, what football related thing would you do?
Go to the future to find out how much damage Chelski's, Manc MoneyBags and Jabba the Usmanov have done to football. Then come back and try to stop it happening.

51. Do you play?
Not seriously.

52. What position do you play/did you play at school?
Goalkeeper, because it doesn't involve running.

53. How good are you?
Okay. Considering I'm shorter than Arshavin!

54. Who was your childhood idol?
Football related? Probably Dennis Bergkamp.

55. As a player, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
No strengths, plenty of weaknesses.

56. What problems does the team you support have (i.e. money, administration, board issues)?
Arsenal. Unable to shift hundreds of flats in the old Highbury. So probably no money.
Barnet. The council.

57. What problems do your club’s supporters have (i.e. racism, apathy)?
Short memories, because they all complain about not winning a trophy for a few years.
Unable to think of songs to get us through the whole match.

58. Everyone answer this question, even the straight boys, for a laugh… if you had to date one player from your club, who would it be?
Cesc Fabregas.

59. Same question, but with a player from another club?
Can't see that happening.

60. Ever had a serious crush on a footballer?
No.

61. Which club side has the most attractive players?
Arsenal.

62. Which national side has the most attractive players?
Portugal

63. What do you think of your team’s current kit?
What was wrong with keeping the yellow away kit from last season?!

64. Do you buy the kits? If so, how often, and how many do you own?
People buy them for me, usually. Four (Fake and real)

65. What’s the most random kit you own?
I don't own any that aren't Arsenal.

66. What do you think of your club’s current sponsors?
Not sure. Never had reason to fly with them.

67. Funniest thing you’ve ever seen at a football match?
The Highbury Squirrel.

68. What would convince you to streak at a football match?
The reassurance that I won't be banned from football stadia.

69. Who will win… the FA Cup this season?
Arsenal. (All we need is luck, and for Man United, Manc MoneyBags, Spurs and Chelski to be dumped out in the third round by League 2 opposition)

70. …the League Cup?
Arsenal. Give the Kids something to smile about.

71. …the Premiership?
Liverpool

72. …the Champions League?
Arsenal. Cup treble coming our way. (I'll wake up when I've finished this beautiful footballing dream)

73. …the Europa League?
Fulham.

74. What would you really, really like to happen in football this year, even though you know it won’t?
Arsenal to win the Premier League, and Barnet to be promoted to League 1.

75. First match you went to:
The north bank. 1993. Early on in the season. Can't remember who we were playing (might have being Villa).

76. Last match you went to:
Arsenal 4 - Pompey 1

77. Favourite stadium visited:
Highbury. Both of them, but especially the new one.

Adebayor. Once had his name sung from the stands at Highbury. Now seems determined to win the Anelka/Cole Award for most despised Ex-Arsenal player.

1. After a particularly reckless challenge from Van Persie he retaliates by stamping on Robin's hand and grazing his head. Alan "I stamped on Neil Lennon" Shearer seemed to think it was deliberate, and he should know.

2. He scores. Runs the entire length of the field to celebrate in front of the Arsenal fans. Classy. Well done, you caused a full scale riot! If you'd have run like that in the Champions League semi final last season, you might just be playing for a bigger club (ie, Barcelona) now. Referee Battenburg was very sensible and gave him a yellow card.

Anyway...

1. Can our back four and goalkeeper write out on the blackboard 100 times - "I will not defend like that." And don't rely on Bart Simpson to do it, either.

2. Anyone who isn't Cesc, Van Persie or Rosicky learn to tackle.

3. Robin. Quit showing off, and start scoring a bit more. You're a striker, your job is to score. Save the clever trickery for when we are 5-0 up.

After two bad results in Manchester, I may be paying a visit there with a box of matches.

Firstly, it took TKK 30 minutes to gloat after this one. Hope he's happy now!

Secondly, Moan United wouldn't have won if we hadn't of handed them the second goal. (nice work, Almunia. Not.)

Thirdly, Ed dived and deserved the UEFA charge for diving on Wednesday. So why no charge for Wayne Shrek for his tumble in the box. His foot had already decided to go down before Almunia made contact. Oh, right, one rule for United, and one rule for everyone else!

Excuse me while I go and swear!

F#^&&((*(&^%$$%$$&%*&*^%%$

And another thing. Spurs fans - enjoy the good stuff while it lasts, because you'll run out of steam like Villa soon.

It took a little favour from Lady Luck (about time she did something for us!) and some beautiful football, but we sent the little Scottish club to play fellow small clubs from around Europe.

1-0. Okay, Eduardo dived or fell over too easily. Either way, it was still the cheapest penalty you'll see given. Unless you're going to go on about Cheatiano Ronaldo's frequent dives, then there's no need to make the topic of Ed's dive last the whole match. ITV Manc-loving bastards

2-0. Good goal Eboue. From the man who many people booed last season.

3-0. Three minutes on the pitch, and a midget Russian called Andrey pops up to score a Bergkamp-type goal.

3-1. Couldn't let little Scottish club go back to Glasgow with nothing, could we. It was late enough to not be too costly, anyway.

Thank you, Red Action for the scarves on the seats. They looked fantastic at the start at the match, and on MOTD. Makes it looks like we've got more atmosphere than Wigan or Bolton (okay, bad examples).

Pompey didn't really play up, except for their rather dubious, was-it-a-foul goal. He was in the way of Mad Manuel, so possibly.

Other than that, they left enough holes for Diaby (of all people) to run into. And Diaby being the known goal poacher that he is....

Billy Gallas made sure he's our current topscorer for this season, and the little Welsh Wizard Ramsey made sure we won without actually doing too much.

Apart from the money (which went to a few independent bookshops) and the birthday drinks, the best birthday present a football fan can receive is a 2-0 win away from home in a Champions League qualifier.

Two away goals - one from the backside of Gallas, and the other from a Celtic defender. If that's lucky, I'll take it.

Back to Highbury then.

How appropriate that the weather was roasting, and the chicken legs were charcoaled, because that's what happened to Everton.

Start as you mean to go on? Maybe, but this is Arsenal and we could easily screw it up again. Better start to the season than last - six fine goals instead of one scored early and mess about for 90 minutes (be thankful that was only West Brom).

Anyway, due to the barbecue and Dad's current refusal to pay for any proper channels (and Sky's refusal to contact us) I had to make do with listening on the radio with a few other fellow Gooners and a seven year old Sunderland fan.

Listening to football on the radio is tedious, especially when a goal is scored. Fortunately, due to be six up before the toffees troubled the scoreboard it wasn't the anxious occasion it normally is.

Top of the league. We'll enjoy this while it lasts!